THOU BEEF-WITTED LORD, or, Include Flyting In Your Games You Cowards

 Flyting is a ritual exchange of insults, usually in verse, as form of entertainment or as prelude to a conflict (or sometimes as the conflict itself). Basically, insult each other until the crowd proclaims a winner or someone says something that offends the onlookers/host/gods and things go sideways.

I think flyting is heckin' cool and should be in more RPGs. So I've drafted some rules for how to model it in a game without relying entirely on calling your friends names and hoping it goes well, in the same way that we don't expect people to free-roleplay picking a lock or stabbing jerks. (unless you do in which case power to you). Plus I like it when discrete sub-experiences have their own minigames to set them apart both mechanically and cognitively.

All of these rules are untested and basically just made up on the spot in a flash of inspiration during my lunch hour. Just, y'know, caveat emptor.

RULES FOR FLYTING

Like a duel, flyting must be agreed on by both parties with stakes set and judges agreed on. Just yelling rude words at someone you don't like doesn't count. Consent is important.

In a similar vein, before beginning you must agree between players (including the Referee) how "roleplayed " insults are. You might insist that the general theme of the insult is stated ("I call him a coward"), a proper insult is said ("You eat like a dog, spraying food this way and that!"), or just skip the descriptions and rely on the mechanics. Basically the same conversation as describing the cut and thrust of combat. IN ADDITION, and this is important hence the caps, YOU MUST AGREE WHAT IS OFF-LIMITS. If you have Lines and Veils or the like set up for your game you should respect those, but it's a good idea to discuss whether topics beyond that are off-limits for the flyting, and it should be no-questions-asked. In general, err on the side of caution, eh? Avoid things that are hurtful in real life, especially if they're attached to anything structural.

With that conversation had, what are the stakes?

• Entertainment: The flyting is to amuse the onlookers. The loser can expect a thorough but good-natured boo'ing.
• As Conflict: What is the conflict over? Social status? Possession of an item? Odysseus and Ajax argued for the armour of Achilles.
• As Prelude: Exchange of insults are a cool thing today before you get to the part with the insertion of sharp metal into fleshy bits. Winning the Flyting before a duel or battle should impart bonuses to the winners, and penalties to the losers. Maybe to morale checks? How cool would it be to see an entire warband nope out because their boss got well and truly dragged?

VARIANT A - PLAYER SKILL

This variant is purely on the players. No character sheets required.

• The object is to be the first to reach 50 points. 
• You gain points by rolling a pool of d6's. 
• Each side rolls their pool simultaneously, and adds the result to their total.
• If both sides pass 50 at the same time, keep going until one passes a multiple of 10 alone.
• You begin with a single d6, and may add one more per round.
• Specific results have extra modifiers:
• Doubles: Reduce your result by d6
• Triples: Increase your result by d6
• Quads: If 1's, you lose immediately. If 6's, you win immediately.
• Runs: 1,2,3: Remove two dice from your pool. 4,5,6: Add one die to your pool.

VARIANT B - MIXED

You'll need a stacking block toy for this one.

This variant is a mix of player skill and character skill.

• Both sides secretly choose a number from 0-2 (holding up fingers under the table, for example) and reveal at the same time. Save the total.
• Then both sides make opposed Social/Charisma/Perform/Intimidate/Whatever rolls. The winner chooses who has to draw and place the number of blocks generated in the previous step.
• If the result is tied, alternate drawing and placing blocks until the total is reached, starting with whoever placed last.
• The one who knocks the tower down loses.

VARIANT C - CHARACTER SKILL

This variant is entirely based on what's written on your character sheet and it's kind of my least favourite, but also it's most in line with modern Big Name RPG sensibilities, so... :shrug emoji:

• The object is to be the first to ten successes.
• Each side makes opposed Social/Charisma/Perform/Intimidate/Whatever checks. The winner records a success.
• If your result is at least double your opponent's, gain an additional success.
• If your result is at least triple your opponent's, you also erase one of their successes.
• A Critical Success counts as three successes.
• A Critical Failure erases three successes.

You could make this entirely player-facing rolls by replacing the opposed roll with a DC to overcome, but that seems like it would be too static/stale.

OTHER THINGS

"But what if I know an insult that will be really loved/hated/demoralizing?" Given that knowing how NPCs think rests with the Referee and the Referee is likely going to be playing one side of this, I can see a couple options. One, have another player take the side of the NPC while the Referee adjudicates the appropriateness of the insults. Two, have the non-involved players come up with the list based on what they know of the NPCs. This gets everybody involved, but can have the same pitfalls as player-driven worldbuilding. Third, the participants also guess a number from 1 to 20, and if they guess within three of a roll of a d20, they get the bonus BUT if they're at least 10 away they take a penalty.

My original title for this post was "Flyts of Fancy" but as much as I love a pun, "beef-witted" will never not be funny.